Where do I begin when I talk about the feelings we go through when losing our hair? So many many, feelings. Losing my hair 23 years ago was one the loneliest experience of my life. I had so many people who loved and supported me- but I was still alone when I faced myself in the mirror everyday. I was alone when I had to go out in public. And I was alone with my fear. I couldn't put into words how terribly frightened I was. Frightened of being laughed at, frightened of feeling ugly, it didn't matter whether or not my husband still said he thought I was beautiful. I still felt ugly and I wanted that feeling to go away!!
There were other feelings as well , I could list hundreds and all of you could add to that list- angry, sad, worthless, ugly, why me?, unfair, frustrated, brave, strong, weak, little, invisible, nothing, numb........
When I got back to England after the wedding I slept a lot.
I ate a lot. Unfortunately those damn feelings were still there! Who would have known?
But, life does have a way of going on without us, whether we choose to participate or not. I felt guilty about grieving as if I should "snap out of it" as if suddenly not recognising the woman in the mirror was no big deal.
There is no time frame however- no rush to feel better.
What I would like to say from my experience is this- please don't be brave if you can't at the moment. Tell someone you trust "You know actually I'm scared as hell."
These feelings will not last forever- it's impossible. You will feel happy again. You have more resources than you ever thought possible.
I am proud when I look back at what I have gone through and came out the other side.
I am proud of anyone who has to go through a traumatic change in their appearance and carries on with their life. We do the best we can.
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» 6 Comments
1"Mrs"
at Wednesday, 14 September 2011 19:04
Well done Julie for describing not only how you felt whilst coming to terms with your hair loss, but how countless other people have felt as well. "Ugly" and "scared" are two words commonly used by those experiencing alopecia due to the dramatic physical changes which impacts on everyday life. Unfortunately your life can be in limbo for a long time whilst coming to terms with hair loss, mainly because you just don't know if regrowth is around the corner or if it will ever occur. The important thing is to keep busy and carry on as best you can in your usual routine.
Thanks again Julie for showing people it is ok to grieve for your hair.
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